Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Just call me Scooby Doo

I'm pretty sure I'm afraid of just about everything. I have a long list of fears and things I worry about that range from completely normal to borderline insane - maybe even a touch over that. Some of them are things that have stuck with me from childhood that never shook, some come from too many scary movies and the worse ones come from reality: gathered while watching the ID channel, the news and listening to peoples awful true stories. The following five are my tops. Silly as some may be, they freak me out to this day.
Spiders
What started as a mild childhood fear, has grown into a full phobia over the past 3 years. I keep having the worse interactions with the things. What really set off the trauma was my two horrifying encounters during the last trimester of my twin pregnancy. First, there was a GINORMOUS spider in my kitchen. I was too big to get him myself and had to call my dad to come save me. I literally cried the entire time I was waiting. I just stared and held a shoe in case he decided to move from hanging out on my dishwasher. When my dad arrived, he took care of it - it was definitely the biggest I had ever dealt with. It wasn't even a week later when I smushed one that was crawling on me in the middle of the night! I was too big and pregnant to run screaming, so I just freaked out and started rubbing its dead mangled body all over my husband's shirt. Neither of us have been the same since.
Our Couch
-AKA- Spider Couch. I have never been afraid of a couch before, but I swear the one we own now is made out of spider nip. In the past 3 weeks we have had not one, not two, but THREE huge spiders crawl right next to me like they were trying to hang out and watch TV. Jaime and I recently flipped the couch and had a full search of the thing. I was insistent there was something going on, but all is normal. His theory is that the dark color in the dark makes them feel safe. It is the darkest thing in the house. I absolutely cannot sit on the sofa after the sun starts to set.
The Garbage Disposal
I'm pretty sure this one came from movies. You always see the person putting their hand in to get some stupid fork that went down and it is horrifyingly turned on by whatever is haunting in the flick. We have lived in two places with disposals, including the one we're at now. I love the things. They are amazingly convenient, but every time I have to put something in I think of bad things. I gently set the food on top and poke at it to go down, never going below the opening where I can't see what's going on. Then I run a lot of water and turn it on from a safe distance. Every time I use it successfully I feel lucky.


The Dark
Oh man am I afraid of the dark. I guess it's not the dark alone, it's everything I can't see in the dark. If anything looks strange I get hot, sweaty and instantly panicky. I always have to try and calm myself and really stare to figure out what I'm looking at. It's always something stupid. Just last night I was horrified thinking a person was hiding around the corner. It was the stupid computer desk chair that was way out of place. Three homes ago I was terrified of the bathroom in our bedroom. It was extra dark in the night and felt very ominous. Needless to say, I like a lot of nightlights.

Zombies
Yes, zombies is exactly what I meant to say. I think about them way more often then I should. I know it is completely insane, but I can't stop myself. Sometimes I'll get completely engrossed in daydreaming about what I would do if we were attacked by zombies. I was sitting outside in my car waiting for the garage door to close about a week ago when I suddenly thought: what would I do if I saw a zombie walking by right now. My husband and kids were inside. Would I call, try to run in, try to kill it. What if it got me? Who would be able to tell everyone in the house there were zombies outside? This one has got to be tied to something more realistic, like my fear of our home being intruded. I take comfort in knowing I have a full escape plan if ever needed for any intrusion situation.

It's sort of fun and interesting to me to see how each fear ties in with each other and to figure out where they come from. I'm not sure what I'll ever do with that information, but at least I'm informed. A few other scary things to think about: dolls, the Pillsbury Dough Man, muffin top, ancient aliens, our sun becoming a red giant, the year 2012, the asteroid that is stuck in Earth's orbit - oh yeah - there's lots more where that came from.